Claiming My Milestones, On My Own Terms

Milestones are something that many people living with disabilities are made aware of from a young age. This is because many of us miss or are late to milestones, and that is what leads to our diagnosis. This means that milestones are often very commonly talked about in regard to the early years of life. Yet not many people talk about the adulthood milestones when it comes to people living with disabilities because there is an automatic assumption that just because our early milestones were missed, so will our later-in-life ones be.

I remember being told growing up, from my own family member, that I would never live a normal life. I would only find work in supported employment and probably never own my own home. I was fed this narrative, that even if I did find anyone to love me, they wouldn’t love me for the right reasons, and I’d be subjected to domestic violence. When you are being told this narrative from such a young age, and have no representation in mainstream media to prove otherwise, you believe that narrative. 

I knew from a very young age that I was capable of much more, so I was determined to do whatever it took to make sure my narrative was different. Although, in my early years of high school, it was hard to manage my ambition to be more when that narrative, that I wasn’t going to amount to much, started to be highlighted to me more and more. I honestly gave up and didn’t care until I was able to remove myself from that toxic environment and into a better one.

I eventually went on to finish high school and get into university. I have this vivid memory of my year 12 planning session, of being told that I was the only one with a support plan going into a university pathway, once again highlighting the fact that people living with disabilities often don’t hit the milestone of going on to further education. I have to admit, picking my field of study was based around employment opportunities that would be best for my disability, and saw me do three years of a degree I hated.

During this time at uni, like any other broke uni student, I was looking for work, but even though I applied for over five hundred jobs in that timespan, no one wanted to hire me because of my disability. Once again, here I am trying to meet these adult milestones like my peers, but because of my disability, I was being left behind. This is also around the time I met my partner, and that pushed me to start thinking critically about how I can still meet these adult milestones, while also making room for my disability to be a part of those milestones.

This is when I did my Cert III in Individual support and became a support worker, and it was honestly the best choice I ever made. Working in the disability sector as a person living with a disability opened so many doors for me. For one, I got my first job and was able to start doing activities with friends and my partner that I couldn’t do before. I was able to move out of home and live with my partner. We got engaged, had a child and got married. I was working hard to make sure I got the life I wanted, that I would finally be able to meet milestones like my peers, although everything wasn’t as celebratory as it seemed.

I have been so focused, my entire life, on making sure that I change my own narrative and meet the same milestones as my peers that I never took into account how there needs to be planning that goes into these milestones and they shouldn’t be rushed. When we first moved out of home, we were on one income, and I had no idea how expensive cost of living would be. I found myself without money to fund basics a number of times. Then add a child into that mix. We most likely did end up in over our heads, all because I was so determined to be headstrong and beat the narrative I was told.

I am lucky that I am now in a much better position, but I always wonder what my life would look like if those expectations of me not meeting those milestones were never in place? What if I was taught the skills needed to meet those milestones in a healthy manner? What if I had representation in the media of people living with disabilities meeting adult milestones? I’ll never know the answers to those questions, but I’m forever grateful that I didn’t listen to the narrative I was told –  because every person has the power to shift their story and choose milestones that reflect who they truly are.